Eva's First Week

This post may be scattered with pictures throughout, but it'll get the point across :) Let's see how many times I mix up Emilia and Eva's names haha!

When I went into labour last Thursday, my parents came and spent the night. We'd taken the time the few weeks prior to prep the kids that one day Mommy & Daddy would have to go to the hospital to have the baby, and Opa and Oma would take care of them. Glad we'd been doing that, because it was a non-issue when they woke up in the morning and Mommy and Daddy were gone!

The last week has been... a whirlwind. Moments of one of the best weeks of our lives, and it included the absolute worst day of our lives as well. I will post a separate birth story as usual of course, and I may make a separate post about my worst day as well, but I have some stuff to work through before I can do that. 

Anyway, on April 16 at 1:18 am, after 3.5 hours of labour, Eva Affina Kimber entered our family! 

This picture was taken 12 minutes after Eva was born. I'm pretty sure they were still stitching me up and dealing with some bleeding issues and stuff down there. What the heck am I doing taking selfies?! Probably just distracting myself. 

Day 1 and 2 with baby Eva were excellent. I think the adrenaline or some other hormone pumping through your body, and your baby's super sleepy phase make it feel doable. We were home on April 16 by dinner time. My parents kept the kids at their place overnight, but came by individually to meet Eva very briefly. On our way home from the hospital we also stopped by David's parents so they could have a window visit with her in the driveway. The first night was pretty standard. We were on the couch, baby was fussy and cluster fed lots, and we got brief periods of sleep. 

She has a dimple! <3

When we got home from the hospital, Scott & Ash popped by. Phoebe and Eva's first introduction

The kids meeting Eva in person for the first time <3 First thing Emilia did was crawl onto the couch and tuck the blanket under Eva's chin

Trying to feel normal. Looking back at these photos I can see how extra tired I looked. I thought I felt great.

Me and my girls! 

We video-chatted with the kids from the hospital to tell them about baby Eva. It was the sweetest thing ever. My mom thought to film their reactions and I'm so glad she did! I'm not sure if this video will play, but I'm going to try anyway...

Day 3 was a good day as well for us. We had our midwife follow-up home visit, and Jan came to check up on us. I was feeling that my milk had come in that morning, and was feeling pretty optimistic about how things were going with Eva. The appointment verified all of that! I lost my notes about the appointment, but Eva had lost 7% of her body weight, which is within normal range, and was up from our discharge from the hospital. Jan watched a feed and Eva nursed like a champ with a great latch. It was really encouraging. She also had two poops and a pee while Jan was there, just to show off that the plumbing was working I'm sure! Jan did the newborn screening (heel prick) test, and another test to check for congenital heart defects, but everything came back looking good! Eva's colour was perfectly pink, with no signs of jaundice. This home visit check up makes me a bit anxious because you really have no idea how you're doing until then. With Dom I thought everything was great, but alas, he was losing too much weight, jaundiced, and I had to take some steps and interventions to get him thriving. 

The kids came home after naptime (or after dinner? I don't remember anymore) and we hung out with them for a bit, they met baby Eva, and we put them to bed. Ready to start our "normal" life. 

This blanket from Great Oma has been used for every sleep I think since we got it!

Gotta document these luscious locks before they fall out haha

Eva's first (and so far only) bath

Mini-Mommy must have been watching closely! Her instincts are on point.

So many snuggles

Oma & Opa got to have a snuggle

Gramma and Grandpa also came by for a quick visit with baby Eva. Okay COVID, it's time for you to go away now...

Sherlock resumed his usual post with newborn babies. Be close by, be calm, be curious, and steal all the pillows and blankets. He's a seasoned pro now!

That night we had Scott, Ashleigh and Phoebe over for some patio beers. Our first night of "normal" with them in a while it seemed. It was reminiscent of last April during COVID lockdown when we formed Quaranteam and saw a lot of them, and drank beer on the patio while playing games frequently. This time, there were just two newborns with us as well! We played a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity and laughed til we cried. Scott brought his breathalyzer along and I was curious how much one beer would affect me. The rule with breastfeeding and drinking is essentially, if you can drive, you can breastfeed. So I was wondering what my tolerance was after 9 months. I was encouraged to see that after the one beer I had I blew a 0.01. Good to go! Wouldn't want much more than that anyway! I crashed around 9pm and went inside for a really rough night with Eva. She was up almost nonstop from 11-3, and then I brought her into bed with me and got a little more sleep with her finally. (This baby has coslept with me more than either of the other two combined). There were lots of tears that night, but I had to let David sleep because he was in charge of the kids the next day. 

Looking forward to more evenings like this this spring/summer!

Day 4 was a day of ups and downs. In the morning David decided to take the kids to the zoo so that I could focus on Eva and rest. Eva wouldn't let me put her down at all, but I did get some work done, got her birth registered, booked a postpartum hearing appointment, etc. My milk was in, and I was starting to get some baby blues. I'd been feeling a little off since I left the hospital, but back in the hospital upon discharge they found my heart rate to be really low (dipping into the 40's). They monitored me, but the rest of my vitals were good so I was discharged. I noticed I had been feeling that same low heartrate feeling more often this day and the day before, and just feeling "off". 

Real postpartum life. No, you're definitely not supposed to sleep with a newborn on your chest on a couch. However... survival mode!

Glad they had fun at the zoo!

Dom is enamored with her

I promised Dom some play time, so I went up for the end of his quiet time and sat with him as he used his toy saw to cut cardboard boxes. Boys...

My mom was planning to take the kids for the afternoon, but I asked if we could come over and spend the post nap-bedtime period at their house. I needed to get out. I had a nap at mom and dads, and afterwards asked Dad to check my BP on his machine. The cuff was too big for me, so we figured the results might be skewed. I was mostly curious about my heart rate because I was feeling so icky and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. My BP came back at 138/90 (way way high for me) and my heart rate came in at 51 BPM. Erm... weird, but again the cuff was too big so who knows. 

Trying to get a family photo for our meal train. This will do haha

So different, yet so similar to her siblings. The eyes are different.

Before we left Eva entered her evening fussies. (Crying, gassy, cluster-feeding). I was hormonal already, and not feeling great, so this triggered me. As we got home, I had a meltdown, envisioning a newborn period with another baby like Dom (colicky, reflux, fussy, sensitive). I worried that nobody would want to hold her ever, or people would avoid coming over because she cried so much, or that I'd only get to have her when she was so fussy only Mommy could attempt to console her. I worried that people would love Phoebe and Myles more because they seem like such happy, content babies. All of this of course is completely irrational and I know that none of it is true, but sometimes the brain takes over and spirals. I knew that and allowed myself to just let myself feel. 

Eva was fussy still when we got home, and I was exhausted, but she'd only sleep on me. Dave agreed to stay awake by me on the couch to supervise her sleeping on my chest so we could get some rest. I laid there for over an hour and a half trying to sleep. I was so exhausted, there was no reason I shouldn't be able to sleep! However, I was having very low heart rate, I was having a hard time getting full breaths, I was having chest pains (which I attributed to low heart rate and baby being on my chest), and my body just wouldn't let me sleep. I hadn't slept much in the last 4 days, and this was my chance! Come on body! Finally I sent Dave off to bed, nursed her to sleep, and got her in the bassinet. I fell asleep on the couch beside her and actually got a solid hour of sleep which was amazing. First time sleeping without her in my arms/with me I think. She woke up to feed just before midnight. 

Then, at midnight (start Day 5), I was feeding her and felt a gush of blood. My postpartum bleeding had been really light, and I told Dave I was just waiting for a surprise, so I guess this is it! I'll save the details of this story for another post as it will be accompanied by a trigger warning, but this began the worst day of my life. I called Dad to come watch the kids, and we went to the hospital for late postpartum hemorrhaging. 

All of Day 5 and much of day 6 was spent at the hospital. I required an emergency surgery, and suffered some significant trauma I have to work through. Dave also has some trauma associated with this hospital stay. Dominic and Emilia have been so amazing this whole week. They've been bounced around, with no (or different) routine, not knowing who was going to be there when they woke up, or where they'd be going to bed that day, or if they'd be seeing Dave and I at all. My parents were amazing supports and dropped everything to help out with them. I'm so grateful for that, and for D&E being well adjusted, and able to communicate their needs. 

In the hospital, after worrying about Eva being so incredibly fussy, she suddenly became a different baby. She was calm, easily soothed, and slept her first 4 hr stretches allowing us to get rest. While I was in surgery she slept in the hospital bassinet, and Dave got to have a good sleep. The next day her and I had lots of naps together, and then that next night she had a period of fussiness from 11-330 or so, but finally I got her to sleep and we got some good rest going into Day 6. 

I sent this to the family fresh out of surgery. What a freaking day. There are more photos, but I'll save them for the hospital post as they're a bit more raw.

Baby's first plank. Poor David slept in that chair the first night and day.

Finally he asked for a bed/chair and they brought him this one which was about 100x better than the one he had for our first hospital stay. I'm pretty sure that bed was better than my hospital bed. 

Day 6 in the afternoon we were discharged from the hospital. Physically, I was feeling SO much better. I had no idea how shitty I'd been feeling the last 4 days. I figured of course I'm exhausted and weak, I just had a baby! I was managing. In reality, my body was trying to tell me something was wrong, and that's why I was short of breath and having chest pains and feeling so weak and "off". I don't have many nice pictures (for me) of the first 4 days of Eva's life because I just didn't feel up to it. That should have been a giveaway haha. But just before being discharged, I remarked that I felt like I thought I should finally. I had a shower, put on a tiny bit of makeup, put on some real clothes, and took my obligatory selfie in front of the hospital window with my baby. THIS is what going home with baby feels like! (Or what I was hoping it would feel like... what it felt like after having Emilia). Full of optimism, "energy", and excitement to be going home. 

We came home and Mom was here with Emilia who had just gotten up from her nap. We shared the hospital story with her, had some tears, but thanks to Dr. Ativan I didn't spiral too deeply. She took Emilia home with her so we could get settled in again and get some more rest. Eva, again, was an angel. She is our miracle baby <3. Dad brought the kids back for bedtime, and after they went to bed we all had a glass of wine and I shared the story again and we all shed some more tears. It is important for me to journal, talk, share, etc. about the trauma from the hospital. Every time I talk about it I am able to process it a bit better, but I still catch myself spiraling from time to time. 

That night, I decided we'd set Eva up in our room instead of me being on the couch. Well, she showed off and gave us the best sleep yet, in our own bed even! She/we slept 930-11 (this is what I expected for the night), and I took her to the nursery to feed her. I got her back down in the bassinet at 1145, and she woke at 1220. I knew she wasn't hungry, but was just struggling to connect sleep cycles (this is the benefit of being a third-time mom), so I warned Dave I was going to let her try to figure it out. My comfort zone for a baby this age is to let her cry for 30 seconds before intervening. I would count to 30 and if she was still crying, I'd get her. Every time by the time I got to 20 or so she'd be winding down almost back asleep. Finally one time she made it to 30 seconds, so I reached over and patted her back for a minute. She went right back to sleep and slept another 20 minutes. This is super expected for a newborn, so I did my 30 second count and she was less easily settled this time, so I scooped her up. I fed her for like 5 minutes on one side, zipped her into the Love 2 Dream swaddle I happened to have close by, rocked her for a minute and laid her back down. She was asleep by 1am, and next thing I know it's almost 6am and she's still asleep! WHAT?!?! Baby! How did you know how much I/we needed that rest?!

Day 7 started out with that super sleep. I had another nap in bed with Eva in the bassinet, and woke to my alarm reminding me about my midwife appointment! Scrambled out of bed with deep pillow lines on my face, woke the baby to feed, and Dave got the kids ready and we all hopped in the van. Dave helped me get Eva's car seat into the stroller and dropped me off at my appointment and took the kids to the park he and Emilia went to the week before. That way I didn't have to worry about carrying car seats or anything, and wasn't entirely trapped at the clinic til they got back. After my appointment I walked down to Starbucks and got a drink and muffin, and sat outside in the sun until they were done at the park. 

The appointment was Eva's and my 1 week checkup. The midwife we saw was Inna, who I'd seen at 38 weeks pregnant, and who delivered Emilia. She was up to date on my situation, and spent over half an hour just listening to my story from the couple days prior. Eva's check up was very quick. Her weight gain is going well (she's down to 5% loss), she's very pink, her heart sounds good, and she's happy. 

Eva's weight: 3930 g (8 lb 10.6 oz)

My BP was 100/70 (this was great news, as it was WAY out of whack when I was in the hospital).

I forgot to ask her about this, but my uvula (the dangly thing in your mouth) is injured from my intubation at the hospital. It's swollen and yucky and hitting my tongue and feels gross. Is there anything they do for this? Or will it just get better on its own? Should have asked... Oh well. 

So the rest of the appointment, she asked about my mental health. I was completely honest with her, which is a big deal for me. I was honest that I was struggling, and that I kept spiraling. My regular postpartum mental health is great, Eva is great, all of that is a non-issue, but the trauma related to the hospital is a serious issue. I have a referral to Reproductive Mental Health, which provides free counselling services to pregnant and postpartum moms, but I'm not sure how long that'll take for me to get in. In the meantime, she recommended journaling (which I've been doing), and re-writing every time I start feeling myself spiraling. She also recommended that every day I do one thing for myself (which I also plan on doing), and that I share my story with those I'm comfortable sharing with, and that I get a massage to relieve some of the emotional trauma I'm holding in my body. If I can't control the spiraling I just have to call the midwife pager and they will get a me a prescription for ativan. For now I feel that I'll be able to manage without, though I did take it twice at the hospital to try stay above water. 

I left the appointment and walked down to Starbucks, and took a huge breath. This feels more normal. The rest of the day, too, felt normal. We came home and Ashleigh and Phoebe came by for a visit. We've had meals and gifts showing up already, and messages of support pouring in. We have such an incredible village. 

While the kids napped, Eva and I also had a nap and Dave got some work done. That afternoon I got some work done, did my first EI earnings report, and when Dave took the kids out to play, I got Eva to sleep, popped a casserole in the oven, put music on, and had a glass of wine. YES! This is how I envisioned spring afternoons. We took Eva's 1 week photos, and took some pics with the kids, and I felt more like myself than I have in weeks. I'm tired, of course, newborns require a lot, but it feels normal. 

Here are some of the pics that Dave took on his camera.

Actually 100% candid which is super sweet

Dominic at 1 week

Emilia at 1 week

Eva at 1 week!

Emilia's first time asking to hold Eva

Day 8. David has a REALLY busy weekend of work after being off for a couple weeks to help me. Again, thankfully my parents are able to help me with the big kids because I'm not quite physically ready to take all that on just yet. Mom came over this morning and hung out with the kids and helped with some things around the house. Thank goodness too, because last night was NOT as good as the previous one! I know there will be ups and downs, but between Eva's fussies, cluster feeding, and my PTSD spiraling I didn't sleep more than 30-45 minutes at a time, and only a few times. 

Slowly getting more alert!

Jeff and Marta offered to take Sherlock when we had the baby. We had him back for like one day before they picked him up again when we went to the hospital. He looks to be having the time of his life over there! They even got him groomed! Puppy vacation at Uncle Jeff & Aunty Marta's!!

Marta's been feeding Sherlock treats. Her mistake... he will track her down anywhere now! Haha

Look how seriously handsome! <3