Don't Let Perfect be the Enemy of Good

Okay, so I rabbit-holed, as tends to happen when I am feeling passionate and convicted about something and start writing... Anyway, here goes!

Came across this this morning and laughed at its accuracy

There is a difference to being a high-achiever and a perfectionist. A high-achiever sets high goals and has high standards, works hard to achieve these things, and is often successful. A perfectionist sets high(er) goals and has high(er) standards, and if these standards aren’t perfectly met they can be very critical of themselves and view the whole situation as a failure.

I waiver between the two. In seasons of excellent mental health I am a high-achiever and I feel happy, confident, successful, energetic, etc.

Then there are the dips in my roller-coaster of emotions and mentality. These are the times where I am extraordinarily critical of myself, view most everything as a failure, stop trying things that I’m not 100% confident in my ability of, get stressed out if I only accomplish 8/10 things on my to-do list, and let anxiety and neuroticism get the best of me. One of the hardest parts about this, is that I KNOW it’s just me being a perfectionist, and everything is good enough, and I am succeeding, and I have no reason to be insecure. I KNOW these things, yet the inner voice nags and nags and gets louder and louder.

I am in such a season. I know I shouldn’t be so critical, but then I become critical of myself for being so critical of myself. There are so many things that should be celebrated, but instead I can only focus on what I could have done better, what I messed up, what this person probably thought of me, or how this other person could have done such a better job than me. Sounds ridiculous, right?

It’s a toxic way of thinking, and I try hard to dig myself out of it. I am a natural cynic, so giving myself a pep talk, or receiving a pep talk from others (*cough David*) often falls on deaf ears. “Ya ya ya I know I know.” David actually called me out this time, bringing awareness to my perfectionism and noticing how it was affecting my (our) daily life.

In my last two job interviews, I was asked to list some of my strengths and weaknesses, or “areas of improvement”. One of my weaknesses listed was being a perfectionist. I know it seems like a cop-out answer; one of those “weaknesses disguised as a strength”. At both interviews the interviewer said, “Okay, so I don’t get how that’s a weakness. Can you explain?” Really though, this is a detrimental part of my personality at times. Sure, it makes me a high achiever and a hard worker and I generally produce good results, but at what cost? It is something I do and will struggle with forever, and it is definitely a conscious area of improvement.

“Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.” – a quote from the Happiness Project with Gretchen Rubin. I haven’t listened to many of her podcasts (yet – I’ll have to make the time), but this quote has always stuck out to me.

If this whole idea of perfectionism is totally foreign to you, here are some real, recent examples of the way my brain tends to work…

Perfectionist: I failed at dry January and only made it until the 22^nd (work event). I am a quitter and a failure.
New way of thinking: I was able to easily go three weeks taking control of my health and avoiding alcohol even in difficult situations/environments.

Perfectionist: I ruined dinner and nobody should want to eat it because there isn’t enough sauce on the pizza (honestly, I know how ridiculous this sounds, but it happened yesterday)
New way of thinking: I made pizza with real pizza dough and the crust didn’t fall apart! Dave and the kids all loved it, and David reminded me we can just dip it in more sauce…

Perfectionist: Avoiding my lettering because last time I picked up the pens nothing turned out how I wanted. I haven’t posted on Instagram in so long; I should probably just give up and delete the account or abandon ship.
New way of thinking: This outlet is for nobody but myself. The fact that I can share on social media and receive encouragement and feedback is awesome, but I am creating these beautiful pieces and learning every time and developing different parts of my brain.

Perfectionist: This house is completely falling apart. Look at all these toys lying around, dishes on the counters, water and dog hair on the floor. I am so lazy.
New way of thinking: Look at all the fun that the kids had today. Good job taking nap time to sit down and relax instead of exhausting yourself with the house work that really can wait.

Perfectionist: I don’t know how David puts up with me being so critical of myself and him. He should get frustrated more often and tell me to bugger off; I deserve it.
New way of thinking: Don’t think like that… Be grateful for David’s personality and grace.

Perfectionist: I didn’t properly prepare and stumbled over my words at a work event. Clearly everyone went home thinking about how foolish and immature I am.
New way of thinking: I socialized the crap out of that event. I smiled, I met people, I networked, I extroverted, I remembered names, and I did my best!

Perfectionist: I shouldn’t have spent that $2.79 on that Iced Capp. That is money we shouldn’t be spending because we’re stressed financially and what a terrible example I’m setting.
New way of thinking: I deny myself so many things in order to save money, and I work very hard, so taking $3 to sit back and treat myself is totally okay.

Honestly, even as I write these “New way of thinking” bits, I feel anxiety creep up in my chest because I don’t know if I believe the things I’m writing. I want to write, “Isn’t that silly? Isn’t that pathetic? How dumb is that?” No, Renee. It’s none of those things. You’re none of those things.

I’m willing to bet if you read this, you learned something about me! I don’t think I seem like this extreme of a perfectionist on the outside. It’s almost entirely an internal battle for me. I am (clearly) very conscious of the way my brain is working and how it is holding me back from greater joy and peace. I know the rollercoaster will shoot up the next hill and my way of thinking will shift. This will most likely come with a shift in the weather – longer brighter days, warmer temperatures, sunshine, etc. I am working on self-care right now with exercise, eating well, trying to positively affirm myself, doing yoga, getting fresh air, and staying connected with David.

*This is not a cry for help*, more a journal entry that I decided to make public because I’m sure there are many, many people who can relate. I often feel a lot better after writing, and I expect this will give me motivation to work towards not letting perfection be the enemy of good.

The all too familiar cycle. As I mature and become more aware of myself, I tend to spend longer in the "Try Again" and "All or Nothing" stages, and fly through the last three in the matter of a couple weeks. I'm sure my Wellbutrin has a lot to do with that, too!