1. Apparently not everyone wants to hear about your physical changes. After writing my weekly blogs with my first pregnancy with Dominic, my brothers kindly let me know they had stopped reading my blog updates. Apparently they didn't need to hear that my breasts (as I so eloquently put it) were sensitive and had gone up a cup-size. I am a self-proclaimed chronic over-sharer, but maybe those details are better left unsaid.
2. You will likely have no idea when to go to the hospital. The midwife says go to the hospital when your contractions are every 3 minutes, lasting at least 1 minute, and have been going on for at least 2 hours (the 3-2-1 rule). Okay, great. Got it! Now I'm in labor. Contractions have been going on for 4 hours and they're lasting anywhere from 40-75 seconds, and coming every 1-7 minutes. They say, "You'll know when it's time." Well, you may not! I feared going in and being sent home with both labors, but with Dominic our Doula finally encouraged us to go, and then with Emilia I went and labor progressed quickly from there!
3. Prenatal classes are invaluable, but nothing can totally prepare you for D-Day. Or your husband for that matter. Both David and I are so grateful we hired a Doula for our labor and delivery with Dominic. She taught us many tricks for working through contractions and how David could help. She offered encouraging words and incredible support. We learned a lot from her about coping with everything, and put many of those tools to use during my labor with Emilia: Hip squeezes, exercise ball, movement, squats, and humming through the breathing.
4. The nurses wake you up every couple hours in the hospital. I remember people saying to me, "You're so lucky you get to stay in the hospital for an extra night! You'll get so much more sleep!" Wrong. It's very hard to sleep after your body goes through that trauma, and then every when you finally drift off amongst the haunting noises of the maternity ward a nurse comes in to check your vitals, vigorously knead and take their aggression out on your uterus and wake up your baby. Gee... Thanks.
5. Your organs take time to reclaim their rightful spot. The human body is incredible - when you're pregnant, your organs squish and move up and out of the way to make space for this growing human inside of you. After the baby is out, the organs have to make their way back. The first few weeks after I had both my babies my abdomen felt weird. I had random pains in strange spots and cramps as my uterus shrunk back to its regular size.
6. Day 3 hormones are shocking. Every time a friend has a baby I make sure to check up on them a few times in days 3-4. That is when the milk usually comes in, and when the hormones in your body go bonkers - which in turn causes you to go bonkers. Just what you need after you bring this little alien into the world that depends on you for everything, but has decided not to sleep and to use you as a soother until you crack and bleed. With Dominic, the day 3 hormones hit me HARD! I knew about them, but I didn't realize that's what was going on when I turned into a puddle of weepiness on the living room floor. With Emilia I was more prepared, so when David looked at me and said, "You look tired," and I burst into tears I knew what to blame it on; those dreaded day 3 hormones.
7. Breastfeeding is hard. Okay, this isn't necessarily something that "nobody tells you", but I think it's incredibly important to reiterate time and time again. If you choose to breastfeed your baby, the first couple weeks are a challenge as you get to know each other and learn together. Sure, baby has powerful sucking reflexes, but she knows nothing about a proper latch and will clamp on to whatever comes in their path (noses, arms... you name it!). I struggled a lot with Dominic at first, and my milk came in late which caused him to lose weight and for us to supplement with formula. That made me feel like a failure. I didn't realize until I reached out to a community of moms on Facebook that it was actually very common, and it would get better. That gave me the boost I needed. I was reminded that fed is best.
8. It has probably happened to every mom, ever. If ever you're feeling alone - baby won't sleep, baby won't eat, baby is losing weight, baby has a horrible diaper rash, baby bonked their head, I don't know what I'm doing(!!!), and the list goes on, just remember that every mother out there was a first time mom at some point. It helped me to know I'm not alone. Don't be afraid to ask for help or advice or just to vent. You will not be the only person with that problem. Every mom knows it's not as easy as everyone else makes it seem.
9. Sleep training is WORTH IT! I have always prioritized my kids' sleep. I will say no to things, track sleep, set up routines, and stick to a strict schedule just to ensure my kids get their sleep. Some people think I'm rigid (I don't disagree), but in my experience a well rested baby/toddler is a happy baby/toddler, which means happy mommy! There are many methods of sleep training (I used the Sleep Sense Program), so if you're interested, do some research and pick which one works best for you and your family.
10. To each their own. There are so many forums and groups on social media where people get caught up in judgment. Breast or bottle? Sleep-train or aid to sleep? Soother or not? Back-sleeping or tummy-sleeping? It's never ending. I do some things differently than my parents did, differently than my friends do, differently than I did with the first baby, and differently than might be recommended. Do your research, get peoples' opinions if you wish, but ultimately remember every baby is different and do what's right for you and be confident in your instincts and decision.
One more tidbit. When the nights are long, the baby is loud, the sleep is elusive, I always try to repeat these words to myself.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS
and
I AM DOING MY BEST
*Please remember these are just my experiences and maybe you don't agree with all of them. To each their own.
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