I usually write these posts in little bits throughout the week so it's not too overwhelming for me to do on Thursdays. Because of this, they don't often capture my current "mood" haha. Today I'm feeling a little bit more bluesy and melancholy. I think I'm feeling worn down after a week of mostly solo-parenting, and just feeling trapped at home. Feeling like I've lost my own identity and am just going through the motions. Dave called me out this morning, "What's wrong? You seem like you're just going through the motions." Yup... that's what I needed in order to acknowledge my own feelings and start trying to figure it out. I don't know what there is to figure out... I have a newborn that's not even 3 weeks old, and two toddlers and no childcare or preschool right now.
I think COVID restrictions are starting to get to me. I miss going out, I miss friends, I miss family. I put on a good face, and I go through the motions very well, but I need to remember to be honest with myself! And gracious with myself. A hard lesson for this gal.
Anywho, I still have a lottttt to be grateful for, and I'm hoping this will serve as an eye-opening reminder for myself!
This week I am thankful for...
1. Some feelings of normal. David's work has picked right up and is super busy, so I'm on my own with the three kids much more often. I managed to get out to my parents house with all three on my own this week! Felt so good to get out. I'm looking forward to next week when the kids are back to their preschool routine though. It's been closed for 2 weeks due to COVID exposure. Dave and Emilia got tested out of an abundance of caution and both came back negative. Yay! We also had Scott, Ash & Phoebe over one evening for a hockey game! Phoebe took the opportunity to beat up Eva, and steal her Mommy. I'm sure they'll get along when they're older haha!
2. Sleep! At night I'm still not getting more than a 3 hour stretch of sleep, but I've been working with Eva to lay down good sleep foundations to get her sleeping longer stretches and avoiding her getting overtired during the day. At her age, she should only be awake a max of 60 minutes before getting overtired, so when she wakes from a nap, I feed her, change her, and "play" with her for a little bit. Once we hit the 45 minute mark, I bring her up to our room, zip her in the sleepsack, turn on the fan, sing a quick song, and lay her down. I'm teaching her to fall asleep on her own so that when she wakes at night she can settle herself back to sleep. Usually she'll fuss a few times, and I may have to pick her up 1-5 times to calm her back down, but the past few days I've been having great success with bassinet naps! If she does cry, or wakes up crying, I count to 30 or 60 depending on the cry and then go help her settle for a minute, putting her down before she falls asleep again. She is much like Emilia in that she sleeps so much better in there than around the hustle, bustle and noise of downstairs and regular life. She won't stay asleep in the car seat or wrap if it/I stops moving, she'll wake up if there's any noise and she's not in a deep enough sleep, etc. I'm grateful she's happy in that bassinet!
Most of the time at night she's just up for a quick feed and then right back to sleep too which is amazing. The odd night she'll get fussy in the middle of the night and take longer, but most of the time I can rely on her to be pretty predictable and be up 1-2 times to feed, at about 3.5-4 hr intervals. (Last night she was asleep by 1030, and then up at 2 to feed, and then up again at 6 to feed! So we started our day today at 6am after just one wake up!)
I don't feel pressure to sleep train her in the sense of cutting out night wakings or feeds or anything. This is purely for my own sanity (and hers). I strive off of routine, and having some sort of rhythm to our day helps me and the big kids so so much. We don't have a schedule, because who knows when baby will wake, but we do now have some sort of rhythm.
3. Random toddler sleep moment. Seeing my kids sleeping is a novelty for me - they've all been independent sleepers from a young age. Emilia has a light in her bed and lately has been turning it back on numerous times. One evening we didn't notice she'd turned it on until we went to bed. Dave snuck in to turn it off, but thought to take this picture first <3. After looking at it, I realized nothing has changed since she was a newborn!
4. The magic shelves! These shelves on our wall are absolute magic. Babies LOVE them. I'm 90% sure I saw Eva's first actual smile yesterday, and wouldn't you know it... smiling at the shelves. *Update: it was definitely a smile and I caught another one on camera later in the day... screenshot lower in the blog*
5. Toddler processing. Emilia and Dom are around for the whole routine these days, so they're processing these new things as toddlers do... play! Emilia was nursing her doll, burping her doll, and putting her doll to sleep. Dom wanted in on the action, so he grabbed his water bottle to pretend it was a boob, and had Emilia nurse him. It was strange, but cute haha!
6. $1 Clothing sale. I got 20 items (mostly for Eva and Emilia) for $20! Such a steal. I got Emilia a brand new London Fog jacket (still with tags on)... for $1!!!
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